By: Petra Najafee, Registered Psychotherapist

This is something I get a lot. People know that they want support of some kind, but they don’t know what that looks like. So, if you’ve ever wondered about this, here you go!

Although there are different types of psychotherapists, what I do is primarily talk therapy. This means that we sit down together and talk about the things that are working in your life, the things that are not working in your life, and we work to together to figure out a way to make things better. But even though it feels like a conversations, it’s different than talking to a friend. There are “rules” to friend relationships that are different from the “rules” of a therapeutic relationship. With friends, there is an expectation that both people talk about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. In a therapeutic relationship, the focus is exclusively on the client. Imagine that?! Almost an hour every week or every other week devoted completely to you?

Therapy is also more structured than a coffee date with a friend. In my work, I ask clients to develop goals for therapy when they are starting out. I find this is helpful in using people’s time effectively. That’s not to say that we can never discuss other things as they come up. After all, life happens. But, a lot of time can be spent avoiding what someone really wants to work on if we don’t both have a goal in mind. It can be difficult to set goals for therapy. So I frame it like this, "What's going to be different in your life....in how you're feeling, thinking, behaving....that's going to allow you to know that you're done with therapy for now?" This helps to give us some direction and puts you in charge of the process.

How is the support you get in psychotherapy different from the support you get from your friends? The lucky ones out there have friends who will be with them through thick and thin, listen and support them no matter what. But sometimes the idea of always having your back can make it difficult for a friend to disagree with you or call you out on things. While this feels good, it doesn’t really support change. Psychotherapists are trained to listen differently to what you are saying, to look for patterns in behaviour, thought, and mood and to challenge you in different ways. This might mean learning to sit with the emotions you’re trying to avoid. It might mean challenging you to experiment with thinking or behaving in different ways than you’re used to. It might mean re-writing the story you’re used to telling yourself about yourself. It all depends on you and what works best for you.

I see clients who come to me for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it is because they are experiencing anxiety, or depression, (sometimes diagnosed, sometimes not) or are dealing with the impacts of a past trauma. Often clients are dealing with the problems of living….transition to parenthood, difficulties in their relationships, grief, divorce, stress. Sometimes people just know that something doesn’t feel right and they come to therapy to figure out why, to learn about themselves and to grow.

I always let clients know that there are no guarantees in therapy. Humans are way too complicated to offer a guaranteed outcome. But I can tell you that many people find therapy helpful. You might have some more specific questions about psychotherapy or how I practice. If so, I encourage you to make an appointment for a complimentary Online Meet and Greet. I look forward to speaking with you.