By: Petra Najafee, RP

Almost every year since I was 8 years old, the last week of August has brought strange dreams. I may not have had the word “anxiety” in my vocabulary at the age of 8, but even then, I knew the dreams were because I was going back to school and I didn’t know what to expect. And there has been little reprieve from this yearly experience. You see, for all but one year of my life since then, I have either been a student, a teacher, or the mother of a child going back to school in September. And whether it’s about excitement, or fear, or both, there’s always a little bit of anxiety. That’s a pretty normal emotion when we’re faced with something new.

And here we are, in August of 2020. And there’s some serious anxiety being felt by anyone who is connected with the school system. And that’s to be expected because we are all being faced with something new. Whether your kids are returning to school or learning from home, it’s going to be new for both of you. But you can figure out a way to navigate this.

How your kids handle the transition back to school will be largely dependent on how you handle it. They will take their cues from you. Now I’m not saying that you should just buck up and not be anxious (that never works). I’m just saying that those conversations where you’re spinning your anxious thoughts should happen when they’re not around. When you’re feeling calmer, that’s when you sit down with them and talk to them about starting back to school/homeschool. They’re going to have questions about what the routines will be, about what happens if someone gets sick at school, about why some of their friend’s families are making different choices about school. You won’t know all the answers and it’s okay to say so. This can be a wonderful opportunity for kids (and maybe parents ????) to learn that we can’t always predict how things will go but that we can still get through the unknown. Anxiety is largely about fearing uncertainty. If we can teach our kids that we can be uncertain about things, we can figure it out as we go, and we can come out the other side healthy and whole, then we are teaching them to handle the anxiety that is an inevitable part of life.

Now might be a good time to break out your favourite meditation app. There are a number of them out there including Calm, Headspace, and InsightTimer. Mindfulness practice has been shown to reduce anxiety. This is not a short term kind of endeavour, that’s why they call it a “practice”, but it is well worth the effort. You can also support your kids by getting them in on some mindfulness activities. Shambhala Publications has Mindful Games Activity Cards that you can do with your kids. A quick google search will allow you to find other mindfulness resources for kids both online and offline.

One last word to parents about the anxiety surrounding this school year. Please support one another. I believe that the anxiety this year is heightened by the uncertainty about doing the “right thing”. The problem is, there is no right thing. There’s probably only what works for your family. I think every family with school aged children has struggled with this idea of sending their kids to school or schooling them at home. This struggle has likely been informed by questions of balancing logistics, finances, physical health, mental health, occupational health, and public health. One thing my work as a psychotherapist has taught me is that we can’t know what goes on inside someone’s home, family, or mind which means that we can’t judge them for the choices they make. Our way through this pandemic is not through judgement and division. Our way through is through mutual support and kindness. In this way, we can help not only ourselves, but our communities, deal with the anxiety of facing realities that we’ve never had to face.

Anxiety is a normal human emotion and something that most people are experiencing to varying degrees these days. But if it feels unmanageable for you or your children, please reach out. Help is available.

So as we move toward September, know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. Try to take time to enjoy whatever summer activities you have been able to engage in. And I mean really try to enjoy those moments, try to bring your focus to whatever you see, hear, feel, taste, smell in those moments… rather than focusing on whatever random thoughts are spinning round in your mind. For me, I’ll be doing my best to really enjoy the bike rides, walks and swims in the lake. And I’ll be curious to see what my dreams are like in the last week of August…they’re sure to be doozies!